sacred pasture

2009-05-29T12:44:00.000-07:00

ang sakit magparaya.

pigilan ang sariling lumaban.

huwag umimik kung nasasaktan.

ang sakit magparaya.

2009-03-19T22:30:00.001-07:00

nagising na lang ako isang umaga.

hindi ko na kilala ang sarili ko.

ginagawa ko ang mga bagay na hindi ko alam ang pinatutunguhan.

-a sad night-

2009-01-31T02:50:00.000-08:00

crash and burn i may fall

crash and burn i may die

but tomorrow would be different.

i'll have you then.

all you.

nothing more than waht you are.

what you really are.

2008-12-15T20:48:00.000-08:00

iniisip ko n lang na darating ang araw na magiging maayos ang lahat.

na matutunana mo ring buksan ang sarili mo para mahalin mo ako ng totoo.

walang pagaalinlangan at walang pagiisip.

mahalin mo lang ako, okay na ako.

sa ngayon ako muna.

kaya ko pa naman eh.

IBALIK ANG SUPERBOINK!!!!!!!

2008-10-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

I miss this cartoon.

Fave ko to dati eh.

Back when I was still a little kid, eto pinapanood ko. The only reason why I fell inlove with this is that its not the typical superhero vs. villain type of cartoon.

From a normal teenage girl, nagiging SUPERBOINK siya. Isang baboy na maliit na kulay pink. ahahaha. Very defferent from the others. Yung iba kasi pag nagtransform gumaganda ang hero, magarbo ang costume. Pero si SUPERBOINK hindi. Ang lupit. Nagiging baboy siya.

MABUHAY SI SUPERBOINK!

IBALIK ANG SUPERBOINK at gawing isang series. ay wag na lang. magre-run na lang.
ahahahaha.

2008-10-24T04:23:00.001-07:00

ASAN KA MOE?

KAILANGAN KITA.

NAALALA KO IKAW LANG ANG TANGING NAKAINTINDI SA AKIN NG MGA PANAHONG GANITO ANG NARARAMDAMAN KO.

TULUNGAN MO AKO.

2008-09-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

... There he is. Peacefully sleeping under his unconsciousness while I starve for his stare and the sweetness of his kiss.

I watch him breathe like a baby in a crib.
I listen to his breath like a lullaby in the night.

Its late now, and I should be sleeping now.

But I don't want to.
I want to keep staring at his serenity.

His lips are pouted and his eyes are shut.

How wonderful this moment is....
How wonderful my life is with my man....

2008-09-21T22:32:00.000-07:00

this feeling....

this feeling is just too strong

too strong that its starting to scare me

....again

2008-09-02T19:15:00.000-07:00

ESCAPIST

It was an empty street. Perhaps because of the rain that madly falls from the reddish sky on a lazy Monday night. He stood there watching the water as it drains down the manhole. He puffs his cigarette and just take every smoke into his lungs. Puffing in, puffing out. Slowly, he rested on that shed. Listening to every bit of voice sounding in his head. In just a second, he was dragged into yet again another escapade beyond the reality he is with.

◙◙◙

Powdery sand of the shore, chirping birds on the trees and the harmonizing sound of the waves crashing relentlessly on his feet--- its so beyond where he is yet he feels so there. He walked across the shore while a sunset is performing enthusiastically on the horizon. It tickled his bliss and he watched it until its done.

He sat on the bench, just beside the tree. Grabbed a beer and plunged down to the resting minutes of escapism. He let the cool breeze of that evening serenade his mind. He chilled to the majestic sound of the waves by dark and sleep with the lullabies of never-ending fantasy.

◙◙◙

Just like any other fantasy that has never become so vivid, reality has grabbed him by his arms and brought him back to where he should be.

The deceitful rain had stopped, no more water draining down the manhole and ashes from the cigarette are all over his pants. He painted a smile on his face, grabbed his bag and started walking.

2008-08-25T23:03:00.000-07:00

BY YOUR SIDE

Lights were splendid. Music was playing. I don't know what's the occasion about but certainly there was a celebration. People were loud and they were all drunk dancing. I stayed in the entrance looking for one familiar face. Looked to the left then looked to right, can't seem to find the face that I would want to see.

Finally, I saw what I've been wanting to see. And there you were laughing with your friends. You were wearing that shirt you wore last night. You looked good in it. And I could smell from a far the sweet scent of your skin from that last embrace we had. I tasted my lips and there was the sugary taste of yours. I moved closer so you could somehow see me and be with me for the rest of that night. But I failed to lose distance from you when you walked away without even looking back. I ran after you, screaming your name. You didn't look back. You went on walking. Then on a busy street I finally caught up on you. I held your arms so tight to pull you back. You looked at me and asked me to go back where I've been. You pulled away. With that sarcastic smile and laugh at your face. Flabbergasted, I stayed in that spot. Feeling heavy and couldn't utter more. I was hurt. Deeply hurt. I closed my eyes and let every tear fall.

As I opened it, I heard a sound of an alarm clock. A singing kid woke me up from my sleep. Stunned, I rolled my eyes around the room. Still remembering that really awful dream. Yes, it was just a dream. A personification of my mind's delusional worries. But the room was poignant. Probably because of that dream.

It felt warm on the other side of the bed. I turned to it and saw you there. You were there beside me, with the funny snore that I make fun of. You've been sleeping. You've been with me through the night. How dare me to forget that you were with me.I carefully slid my hand onto yours trying hard not to wake you up. I held a grip and slowly leaned my head near yours. And at that moment, I could not be any happier. I felt safe. I felt warm. And I feel the reality that has beaten a fantasy.

Now I know why you asked me to go back. Its to go back to where I could be much happier than even in my dreams---By your side.

2008-08-20T00:11:00.000-07:00

SOCIETY'S DISEASE

It was around three o'clock in the afternoon when I went online to check my mails. Much to my surprise Cindy, a good friend of mine back in college was online too. After I "buzzed" her, the chat went on and on.

She's not happy. That's the bottom line. After taking up a four-year course and crash courses in music, she complains about her work. She's a call center agent. I was not surprise, a lot of my high-school acquaintances have ventured on that industry that aren't happy as well. When I asked her why she isn't happy, she only needed to say the right few words.... "THIS IS NOT MY PASSION."

Financial constraints. Most probably, this is the reason why most people specially the younger aged bracket are very much interested in working in the call-center industry. After all, they are the predominant target market of such industries. Who wouldn't want a high salary? These industries offer such high compensations for their employees which technically mobilizes the growth of call centers in the country. About a month ago, I passed by Baclaran, and was stunned to see the billboard of a call center company filled with three phrases. But the one that really made a recall to me was the line "GREAT PAY". Even I was enticed by that copy. In the economic status that the country is going through today, who wouldn't want a great pay? We all do. But the mere fact that the billboard promotes the company's ability to "pay you good" and considering the hype of it at this point in time, that only goes to show and justifies the lowness of the society. They seem like talking to a dumb money-sucking society. Eventually, those people who are bent down in their blue collar-jobs and the students who are supposed to be at school and educating themselves are so enticed. The result? The booming industry of call centers.

The seemingly-iconic lifetyle of call center agents. When you roam around the places of Libi's, Malate, Greenbelt and other places that used to be leisure haven for upper market, you see lots of young people. Most of them are call center agents. I remeber bumping into an acquaintance, we had a little talk while we were standing in front of a mall. She looked very different. She used to be a nobody in school but seeing her in her glittery make-up and nice set of clothes she could strut a photoshoot at that moment. She works for a call center company and she tells me proudly the different bars she's hopped on. She enjoys the night-life-- getting drunk, partying, socializing. Good for her. Atleast she's exploring. Hehehe. Most of the call center agents I know have one commonality. Its their lifestyle. And its amazing how I can easily identify agents just by how they look like and how they speak. But the point is this--- We live in the society where everyday of our lives, we get to have atleast a pinch of poverty and everyday we see how hard it is to live in a nearly-jeopardized economy. And because of these circumstances, people are more encourged to answer calls from irate customers just so they could live a much comfortable life. It is a wealthy industry. So wealthy that they could make you live you like a superstar.

I sympathize for my friend Cindy, not only because she was just dragged into working in that industry for some reasons but also for her passion. Everything that is not nourished could possibly be gone. Among the thousands of agents answering calls everyday, how many of them are great artists? how many of them have greater skills than just speaking "hello good morning this is..."? The truth is? There are alot of them. And Cindy is one of them. But this industry is slowly becoming a temple of desperation.

As long as the economy is catching its breath to survive, people could still turn their backs on their passion and drive on the fast lane where regrets could be met somewhere. And i foresee it as a step by step process to becoming a stigma.

The bottom line is that we all want a comfortable life with absolutely no shortcomings.

2008-08-15T02:38:00.000-07:00

HAPPY!

I just got in touch with my old friends and we are all happy. Amazing. Its so surreal how at one point in our lives everyone is celebrating. This is way better than splurging on some sweet chocolates. Hahahaha.

Grace, is now a branch manager of a food chain, Pam has just been appointed as a company nurse after passing the board, khaye is finally graduating and will start to hunt for job, Pao is currently working in ASIAN HOSPITAL in Muntinlupa and I am happy working now in the field where I really want to be, and Joanna is now a part of a Tourism agency after finishing college.

Walang sawang gala na ito. Hahahaha!
Planuhin na ang mga outing!

Ahahaha!

2008-08-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

SOUL SEARCHING

1. How are you?
I think I'm fine.

2. Are you happy now?
Sa ibang aspeto ng buhay oo, pero sa iba hindi.

3. Bakit?
Ewan ko. I think its because of something I couldn't figure out.

4. Any big plans ahead?
Not that big. But I'm finally moving out of our home. Live independently.

5. Have you thought about that decision?
Yeah. Its for the good.

6. What do you wanna do now?
Sleep. O kaya kumain.

7. Something that makes you upset right now?
Yeah. My belly. Tumataba na ako. And I'm sitting here na ipit ang tiyan.

8.Do you feel pressured?
Yeah. Sobra.

9. Are you handling things well in your life?
I'm in control right now. But i foresee loosing it someday. Feeling ko hindi ko kakayanin.

10. What makes you happy.?
Mornings.

11. Who makes you happy?
As of now si Buddha talaga.

12. If there's something you wanna do that could release your tensions, what would that be?
Sagada. Gusto ko pumunta dun, and wake up in the cold breeze. Haaay.

13. Are you happy the way you are?
OO. kung one sided. Pero kung may kasma nang ibang tao. medyo na lang ata.

14. Do you feel good abut yourself.
Yeah.

15. Why did you choose to make this post?
Ewan ko nga eh. Naisipn ko lang.

16. Greatest fear as of now?
Loosing control. Ayoko, I want to get hold of everything.

17. Greatest achievement?
Finally settling down into something I've always been needing.

18. Happy?
Natanong na to ha? OO. masaya

19.Are you sure?
Yeah.

20. What do you tell the world when you wake up?
"Toady is going to be the best day of my life"

2008-07-28T19:34:00.000-07:00

SAIL ON. GO ON.

I've said it. Its here now. And there's no going back. I've dragged my boat off the shore, and start sailing on the calm sea that's full of mere mysteries and uncertainties.

I chose to dwell on on this journey rather than than letting time pass me by until I get to where I wan to be. The whole situation is quite vivid, but not as vivid as I would want to see it. My heart has spoken and it has shattered all the fears I've had for the past times. I feel stronger. I feel invincible and I feel good. I am happy. Finally, I've found more reason to be happy.

A man with a non-juvenile mind and a very innocent heart. That' how I always refer to myself. My heart is fragile. My heart is sensitive. Every person's heart is. Yesterdays were rough. I've agonized worse than I could possibly bear. But today is different. I feel different. I see nothing else but the genuine joy in my heart. I feel liberated and I feel enticed by all the love I feel.

Every sound is a music that serenades my soul, every flower blooms like it's spring time and every sunrise rises to grace new mornings. I finally took this risk.

The journey had begun, the sea seems calm for now, but I know it won't be soon. Nevertheless, I am happy I took sail to get beyond that horizon. I am finally reviving the lost serenity of my innocent heart.

2008-07-24T00:29:00.000-07:00

KAIBIGAN

ISANG GABING NATANGGAP KO ANG EMAIL NG KAIBIGAN KO. Hindi ko inaasahang mapagaan noon ang loob ko.

Madalas kaming mag-email ni Deng. Isang kaibigan mula pa nung hi-school.

Sa email ko sa kanya, nakisimpatiya ako sa kanya sa mga nangyayari sa buhay niya. TWIN SOUL talaga kami. Pareho kaming dalawa, may mga sentimiyentng hindi maintindihan kahit ng mga sarili namin.

Sinabi ko kay deng ang isang malaking problemang hinaharap ko--- ang sarili ko.

Sa haba ng email namin sa isa't isa, isang bagay lang ang kinailngan kong marinig mula sa kanya.

" Sana magkausap na tayo in person. Abot dito ung kalungkutan mo at frustration sa kalagayan mo. Hindi ko alam kung paano ka i-comfort. Sana sapat nang malaman mo na nandito lang ako."

I've never needed a savior, I've always needed someone na makakasama ko sa pagharap sa mga di maintindihang sitwasyon sa buhay ko.

MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT DENG...

2008-07-20T23:00:00.000-07:00

WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING

In the stillness of that night,
where silence speaks louder than my mind,
I see a glimpse of what I used to have.
And I see it there in your face, while you were sleeping.

Time ticks, yet I remained still.
glazing upon your shut eyes,
listening to your every breath
and smiling on that moment.

Then my eyes wandered down your hand,
and there's mine locked in your palm.
I feel a feeling of what I used to have.
A mere bliss, and its all there is.

I stayed awhile and let myself speak,
through my mind I uttered my words.
With you asleep and I, awake.
I've said everything while you were sleeping.

I moved closer to feel your warmth,
leaned my head upon your arms.
And slowly I closed my eyes,
and wished that there be more nights to watch you sleeping.

2008-07-08T08:25:00.000-07:00

Got nothing to do.

Feeling bored.

Feeling super-duper bored.

Unemployed up to this point.

Loving the tambay life.

Gaining pounds after pounds.

Wow.

Where's dignity in this life?

hahaha!

2008-07-03T08:27:00.000-07:00

-TIME TO LET GO-

I hear nothing but silence in the middle of this night. Again and again, I sit in front of this computer trying to figure out what to post in this blog. Yes, its quite a challenge to squeeze out what I really want to say sometimes. Feelings could be so overwhelming that there are just no words to describe it.

Yesterday, I was dragged into another epiphany. Reality could hit you really hard sometimes when you least expect it. And in just a snap, the roads are turned. Simple situations could often lead into a huge decision-making position. And it demands abruptness that you get too pressured. But what really surprises me is that it was easier for me to weigh all the odds and its all evident. Guess all this time, I've had the real answers that I have been looking for, I only refuse to sink it in.

YOU CAN LIE TO YOURSELF, BUT YOU CAN NEVER MAKE YOURSELF BELIEVE THAT LIE. Yes! Finally, I've learned the lesson of the situation that I've been dealing for the past couple of months. All the signs were given, and all I had to do was to translate on it but I chose not to, because I preferred to dwell on the mere lies that subconsciously, I was pushing myself to believe in. And all that's coming to me now are the wasted times that I threw. I held on for this for so long, so long that I did not realize that my life had stopped. I drowned in this deception and now I'm catching breath to fill me in again. Had i known that there's no valid for holding on, I wouldn't have taken the first grip at all. Its pointless after all.

And now I'm letting it all go. Come what may from loosing this grip. I guess its about time that I put some directions in this vague aspect of my life. The inevitable truth always lives. And it will always prevail at the end of everyday.

2008-06-29T19:13:00.000-07:00

-RECOLLECTION 2-

The moon peaks out tonight and I can't help but dwell on the loneliness of the night. An endless puffing of cigarettes. with a pinch of pain from failed goals, distorted thoughts and wishful dreaming, I guess this is indeed one poignant evening.

Lately, I've been drowning in my dreams. Dreams that are elusive and most probably can't come true. They elude my daily thoughts. Its too sweet for an innocent taste yet so hurtful for an overly-exeperienced heart. They entice the momentum of every rushing thought and I sit all the time indulging myself with its great deception. An as time ticks, the further I walk and yet again get lost in the wilderness of my rumbled mind.

I spent the last several minutes trying to get into every deatil on where have i gone wrong, where I must have committed a mistake and where have i been overlooking things. As expected, after tons of gruelling minutes, I still couldn't seem to figure out the right answers that I was looking for. I don't need any precision for now, I just need at least something that I could hold on to, I need a reason why I keep doing the same thing over and over again and more imporatantly why I keep failing at it. I play this game so well, at least thats how i see myself. But the scoreboards never lie and they tell me the brutal honesty that I am such a lowlife-looser. Three to zero. That's what it says. And night after night, even if there's an absolute absence of the moon, I find myself caught in the failures' lane. This game is a harsh game. No rules are set and no boundaries are built. You set your own rules and distinguish you own boundaries... which is pretty hard for someone like me-- a person who loves breaking rules now dying to make one for himself. So ironic. Though the victory for now seems less-vivid than ever, I take time to learn at least the heres and gos of this situatiuon. Imagine a kid trying to fit himself in a well-rounded world of perfection. Thats the impossibility I'm trying to interconnect somehow. Seriously, there's no possible way I could this. Im not brave enough to take the risk, even if I am, I am afraid I have the warrior's stamina to withstand the consequence that I might face.

And there goes the moon. Dancing with the stars in the darkness of that dancefloor. I wish everything is as easy as the changing of night to day and day to night. Though a lot of things has to happen first before a day turns into night at least everything is subtle and non-noticeable.

2008-06-18T06:27:00.000-07:00

RECOLLECTION

Three-week old sheets and an awful-smelling pillow covers, I was dragged into an epiphany that maybe, just maybe, I have to clean up my room. But somehow, I can't seem to find the energy to get myself working. I know its going to be a lot of work. But I have to, I'd be gone for three days and I wouldn't want roaches and crawling insects to be welcoming me when I get home. After all, it’s my room, my one and only haven in the world.

As I raid through my closet, I saw lots of old clothes that I used to wear. I remember some of them being my favorites and some just didn't make the cut. I thought of giving them away but somehow I don't feel like doing so. I felt like those clothes defined some aspects of me way back in the days where all I know is to dress up and cover up myself. I saw my favorite polo, the one that really fits my body well, back in high school, its what I put on if there are any special occasions. I remember feeling drop-dead gorgeous in it. So i went to try it on and see if there's anyway I could feel the same intensity as I used to. Much to my surprise, it didn't fit. Not anymore. Poor me, I've forgotten how much pounds I've gained over the years- the gelatinous belly courtesy of hardcore beer drinking, the enlarged biceps and the bigger thighs. Quite a surprise that I've gone fatter. Cause I've always been thin. Apparently, I didn't feel anyway good as I was looking in the mirror but it sure was nostalgic. I've grown. Bigger and bigger everytime. Continuing through, I saw my favourite pair of pants. The pants that I've worn for one straight week without washing. Sounds disgusting but I just love wearing them. It fits perfectly back then, but as I went to try it on, things got worse, and I just couldn't slip my legs on it. It’s amazing how the past can let you remember who used to be. And if I were to judge the way I dress up before I'd give myself a flat three. It’s awful. Really awful. Nevertheless, it was alot of fun.

Just when i was about to call the cleaning thing over, I saw a shoe box just peaking at the top of my cabinet. I went to get it and I was flabbergasted. Letters from friends, barkada pictures of high school and all the memorabilia given to me by my great friends. I haven't seen those in years; I've even forgotten I have them. I have to read it. I have to see it again at least. So I opened every single letter and begun reading it. Some are funny and hilarious and some are just heartfelt. A bit teary-eyed I was, when I opened the letter that my great friend has given to me after a long yet silent dispute that we had. It was poignant. That dispute was the biggest turnover of my high school life. And to actually read that letter again, it brought me back to that emotional time where I was sitting on the teacher's table and my great friend approached me and talked to me about our misunderstanding. I don't owe anyone an explanation, but at that time, I feel vulnerable and just want to explode. And I don't regret having that moment with her despite the so much attention that we had because literally we are at the center of the classroom. Good thing there was no class that day cause of some program running. I guess that moment defined or introduced her as someone that I could be with for the res of my life. We're still great friends. And we are now building dreams together as friends and there's nothing like sharing the biggest dreams that you have with your friends.

As I lay my head on the bed after the vigorous cleaning that I just did, I came to think that its so amazing how you could look back into your old self and recollect. I never thought I was a bad dresser neither have I thought that I was such a good friend back in high school. That closet, defined who I used to be and how I expressed myself in all those years. Amazing how it fits all there. And the shoebox, which defined who I am as a friend back then and could it get anymore amazing how all the years I’ve been a friend to someone could fit there? Life is indeed a pasture of wonders and mysteries.

2008-06-06T16:13:00.001-07:00

-HAUNTED-

During summer days, no matter how calm the seas are in the morning, it gets aggressive when the night falls. Relentless. Disturbing. Just when eveyrthing is dark and you couldn't see anything, it rumbles hard on the shore. Nevertheless, the sound of it is a harmony.

◙◙

I've taken a step forward, just a step forward. When I was about to take the second step, something held my foot from doing so. And its all I had to see to refarin from moving away, stay for a while and try to figure things out more vividly.

◙◙

I've lived in dark shadows, where I held on to nothing but the hope, that maybe, just maybe, someone would rescue me. But it didn't happen. For I have not shown the world how agonizing the confusion in me. Yet I stood in the middle of that darkness, took all th bravery I could get and started walking towards an unknown direction. And after a few tears, scars and bleeding wounds... I have finally come to the light. And now that I am here. Why does the past embraces me with enthusiasm? A past that put me in that shadow. A past that I should not cling on to. But I want to stay, atleast for a while. Atleast for now.

Have I really gotten out of the darkness?

Could this be the recue that I was looking for?

Does the light that I am in right now is blinding me?

Again?

Have i become an escapist?

◙◙

In the coolness of summer nights, where waves are mad and wiping sand after sand on the shore, its sound brings music to my ears. Shouting. Bellowing. I'd listen to this sound for a while. Its here to tell me something. Its here to tell me something. Its here to show me something.

2008-06-05T17:28:00.000-07:00

-I LOVE HORIZONS-

I love horizons.

It reminds me about the endless journey I'm bound to take on.
The endless learning I'm supposed to listen to.
And the endless failure that scars my heart.

Its where the beginning and the end of the day meet.
Its where heaven and the earth hold hands.
And its where the rainbow looks at its best.

Its where my eyes rests every time.
My hearts at peace and spirit just glows when I see it.
Time flies evidently at its face.
Its where every dreamer should celebrate victory.

I love horizons.
I love that every time I get there, I see better pastures when i look beyond.
And it tickles my feet, and urges me to walk through.

I love horizons.

2008-06-04T18:40:00.000-07:00

-NOT A POEM-

I thought I'd be over this...
But I'm afraid I haven't really figured out which way out.
Or is there even any other way out?

◙◙

Too late for my fantasies...
I've confessed a reality that I need to bang my head with.
But is this gonna work if things are really meant to happen?

◙◙

As I look beyond the agony in this,
I see a spot of happiness where my heart would want to rest.
I guess by now it's all that matters.

◙◙

I'm happy with this.
It makes me smile.
I've become the master dreamer because of this.

◙◙

I'm in love.
Its how I want to think things out.
I'm in love.

◙◙

2008-05-23T03:05:00.000-07:00

-OUR HEARTS ARE MEANT TO FLY-

OUR HEARTS ARE MEANT TO FLY. Many times we'd fall, many times we'd feel like giving up and many times we'd loose hope. Hang in there. You're about to take a high flight. So hight that you'd forget you've ever been hurt and wounded before. OUR HEARTS ARE MEANT TO FLY.

I was in the verge of breaking down. A point in my life where i nearly had given up. And i never admitted that I can't bear the pain, but during those times, I was screaming out loud. The pain is killing me. Its nothing like any pain I've had before. I was helpless and I was broken. Endless wandering on empty streets, escaping to the dark zones of my mind, non-stop puffing of cigarettes yet all i could hear was my heart catching its breath to survive in the jeopardizing agony. But a pinch of light stays in the darkness of everyone's life. And i chose to stay in it, feel its warmth, and look above. I anticipated the full sunrise of that point in my life. I waited there until I was healed. I sat there bleeding until my wounds have scarred. And just when I'm about to climb up to that light. MY HEART TOOK ITS FLIGHT. MY HEART IS MEANT TO FLY.

◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙

A SONG TO SING WHEN YOU'RE FEELING DOWN AND FEELING LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW.

TRAIL OF BROKEN HEARTS

by Dragonforce

Here we are far beyond the distant sky
We've seen all the world and how the story will be over
Through the snow and tainted mountains we have climbed
Now we have found the light that guides us over

Through the fallen rain we travelled far and wide
And through the blackest darkness
Stars above shining bright

Through the sun and winter rain we'll fall
All our lives we have been waiting for a sound to call
We're walking hand in hand in dreams and endless time
How do we know when we will leave this life behind?

Staring life through eyes of mine to hate the fear and the pain
There's a feeling held deep inside - the life you live is in vain

[CHORUS]
Fly away down the lonely roads of yesterday
Close your eyes to see the light of latter days
And all the memory that time can never heal
With the trail of broken hearts flying free

Once again we walk this lonely road
There are times that we are wading through the rain and cold
We're lost in memories of what we left behind
Relive the dreams, the endless screams of pain inside

Lives are filled with emptiness
The fear returned once again
Searching endlessly now we will see
Drown your mind in the pain

CHORUS

The last temptation will be all that's left for me

When I see those tears you cry
When I hear those lies you lie
When I see your creation now for an enemy
Is this the reason to be?

CHORUS

The trail of broken hearts flying free

2008-05-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

-CLUELESS-

MY OWN SURVEY QUESTIONS

HOW DID YOUR DAY WENT?
- Close to being sensible but not quite

HOW ARE YOU FEELING RIGHT NOW?
- I cant grasp it.

WHO'S THE LAST PERSON YOU'RE WITH?
- Stranger on the bus.

DO YOU FEEL LIKE TALKING TO A FRIEND RIGHT NOW?
- Si deng. Maiintindihan niya ako.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
- Last night.

WHY?
- Missing someone so bad. Confused with everything.

ARE YOU A STRONG PERSON?
- I think so. Kung base sa mga pinagdadaanan ko. OO. Strong nga ako.

WHAT KEEPS YOU HOLDING ON?
- The fear of letting go.

WHEN DO YOU GIVE UP A FIGHT?
- The fighting goes on until i have finally moved on.

WHAT SCARES YOU AT THE MOMENT?
- Bumitaw.

ARE YOU WAITING FOR A CALL/TEXT?
- Yeah. From mark. Haven't heard anything from him in a very long time.

WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S GOING TO TELL YOU?
- The thing that i would surely refuse to believe/accept.

WHAT'S THE WORST FEELING ON EARTH?
- Ang nakabitin. I dont know what I am supposed to feel.

IF YOU COULD TALK TO GOD IN PERSON, WHAT WOULD YOU TELL HIM?
- May Your purpose be served.

ANY EPIPHANOUS MOMENT THIS DAY?
- Kaninang hapon sa bus. I've realized that priorities should be flexible. I should learn how to shift them. Cause there would be times that the #3 would need more attention than #1.

WHAT'S YOUR COMFORT ZONE?
- A quiet and lone time to think.

ARE YOU HAPPY WITH DECISIONS THAT YOU'VE MADE SO FAR?
- Haven't reached the end of the race yet so i can't tell.

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
- When my emotions are too strong that i could not rationalize it.

ARE YOU A CRY BABY?
- No.

BEST THING ABOUT BEING YOU?
- Strongly holding on.

◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙

Endless wandering. Spare me quiet street to walk on, dancing trees to watch or the sound of waves crashing by the shore. I need to figure out whats wrong. Spare me.

I'm blinded by my feelings. Can't see anything else but a lock down. A place nowhere to run to but hide. I am shattered by a hanging fantasy. Haunted by the dark shadows of an unfinished story. I am not well.

I've been in this place before. The only thing i remember is that I got through it with bruised knees, bleeding wounds and a broken spirit. I fell on the ground so hard. I laid upon the grave of defeated soldiers yet I am still breathing. Motionless and helpless.

Do I see where this is going? Do i know where I am heading to? Then why can't I just stop? Its the fear of letting go. The fear of letting things happen.

2008-05-15T04:26:00.000-07:00

-BEYOND CRAZINESS-

i won't loose this grip.
and no i won't let go.
though my wounds are bleeding.
i'll keep holding onto this.

tomorrow seems eternal,
and tears flow like a stormy rainfall.
but i wont loose this grip
and i shall not let go.

i love the sweet taste of this pain.
those lonely nights i sleep with,
the misty mornings that i deal with.
I don't ever wanna let go.

crack my head, and clean my mind.
im crazy over this love i've found.
i won't ever let go,
cause i never know hot to do so.

2008-05-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

-PAALAM... SA NGAYON-

SUMILANG ANG UMAGA,
MABIGAT,MALAMIG.

MAY LUMBAY SA PAGMULAT NG MGA MATA.
DINGGIN MAN ANG HUNI NG MGA IBONG UMAAWIT.
AYOKONG MAGSINUNGALING.
KAILANMAN HINDI AKO MANINIWALA.

KAYLUNGKOT NG ISANG PAMAMAALAM.
KAILANMAN DI KO NAPAGARALAN,
KUNG PAANO TANGGAPIN ANG ISANG PAGLISAN.
WALANG MUWANG. ISANG PUWANG ANG MAIIWAN.

DADALOY ANG ARAW.
MULI'T MULI DADANASIN ANG GANITONG PAGLALAKBAY.
AT MULI'T MULI AY MAY LILISAN...
MULI'T MULI MAY PUWANG NA MAIIWAN.

SAPAT NA ANG AKING NATUTUNAN,
HIGIT PA NGA SA AKING INASAHAN.
MARAHIL ITO NA ANG HANGGANAN.
PANIBAGONG KARANASAN NA SA KINABUKASAN.

NAIS KONG MAKASAMA KA.
SA LANDAS NA AKING MAKIKITA.
KUNG HINDI MAN, SA DULO HIHINTAYIN KITA.
KAYLUNGKOT NG ISANG PAMAMAALAM.

ITATAGO KO ANG BAWAT ALAALA MO,
WARI KO'Y MAGKIKITA PA TAYO.
SA ISANG IGLAP, DI KO MAMALAYAN,
SABAY NA TAYONG NAGLALAKBAY.

SISILANG ANG UMAGA.
MAINIT AT PUNO NG SAYA.

2008-05-08T02:02:00.000-07:00

- MY HEART AND MY MIND-

Woke up this morning feeling so heavy. I thanked God for the day but as i uttered my prayers tears rolled down. There's something wrong. I feel weak today, vulnerable and ready to break down. Piece by piece i've soul-searched myself regarding this unpleasant feelings and it all comes down to one one thing--- IM DEPRESSED. Pressed with problems, preoccupied with worries and burried in sadness. There it goes... I finally admitted it. I am dead broken.

My heart is so full with sad feelings. So sad that it sucks out my energy for the day. No wonder why I've been acting crazy this past couple of weeks. But my mind is so strong that it could not be stooped from thinking of how and why the heck these things are happening right now.

IF MY HEART AND MIND COULD CONVERSE TO ANOTHER, SURELY THESE WORDS THEY'D TELL EACH OTHER.

DEAR MIND,

"I am heart. For years we've been living together in one man's body. We're actually next door neighbors. You live just above my block. I've always adored you. You are such a strong being. Everyday, you are working so fantastic. In fact you never stop working. I see you working in the lights of the day and even before the breaking of the dawn. You are so strong that i get intimidated by you. Remenber those times where we suffered through great trials? You stood strong amidst those thunders and floods while i cry in the corner and wait for the sun to come. I could not withstand such chaos. But you did. And i am so envious of you that time. You stayed firmed and invincible even after what had happened. Sometimes I wonder... How the hell did you get so strong that weakness is out of your sight? I applaud you for it. I really do.

I AM SORRY. Sorry for me being weak. That you have to work with me. I apologize for giving you so much worries. Sorry, beacuse of my innocence, i get to send you on a bloody arena. You stay up so late figuring out ways to heal me, but all i do is lie retlessly on the ground and wait for your rescue. I'm sorry that i cant help you. I'm sorry that I always make everything worse. You save me everytime and all the time that I've been weak you've been strong. Thank you for giving me reasons. Reasons that even i could not have thought of. I am way more capacitated than you are to withstand every trial but you are way stronger to contain every blow. I see you going home, with bruises and blood. I want to break down but i know you'd pity me for what rights do i have? I'm not the one who go through everything. Thank you. In times where every piece of the emotions gets too overwhelming and i can't seem to handle it myself, you are always there to support me even when you hve not rested enough. I make you suffer because of my weakness. And for that I am sorry. I really am."

YOUR FRIEND,

HEART

DEAR HEART,

"Hush now. And stop mentioning that you are weak because you are not. You are created to signify the sensitive side of every human being. You are supposed to be that way. Sensitive and delicate. That's why you have to be taken care of. And thats my job, to protect you. To shield you from unwanted emotions that i know could jeopardize you and the man we're living in. I work so hard not only to protect you but also to give you space. You won't be comfortable working in a cluttered space. Because you are meant to be free. Free to feel everything that you want to feel. Free to be who you want to be. You are so fragile that i should take my eyes ofo of you. I am here filter everything thats you've felt before the man who shelters us do his actions. Because his actions are the manifestations of how well i've worked. However, sometimes, it doesn't go so well.

I AM SORRY. I dont't feel like I am doing the greatest job on earth. I make you suffer more and the man we're living in as well. When a man has done his actions, an opposite actions comes after it, and when it does, I see you cry. And it hurts me more. You are suffering because of me. You are absorbing everything that I have thrown out. So stop saying that you make me suffer because you certainly don't. I should be the one apologizing because of what I'm doing to you. The bruises i get is less painful than your scratches. Evrytime I make the wrong decisions, you cry and you suffer which you are not supposed to. You should be happy, and i feel awful for depriving you for being one because of my poor work. I am sorry heart. But thank you, because you never leave by my side. Though you refuse to put up a fight, i still see a strong spirit in you that I don't have. I see a soft way of yours, anticipating victory during battles. And you are beautiful that way. That gives me strength to do better. Inspires be to think wiser. I hate seeing you cry. I just want you to know that. I could not be happier that we are here together. We are a perfect balance. I wouldn't to have any other teammate. You are meant to be this way, and so am i. Otherwise, we this man that we're living in right now... have given up all hid fights. Cheer up, no matter how imperfect we are, we still give him the right reasons to move forward, and thats a sign that we're not doing the worst job after all.

YOUR FRIEND,

MIND

2008-05-02T06:41:00.000-07:00

-ONE LONELY QUIET NIGHT-

IT WAS A MOONLIGHT EVENING,
WHERE SHADOWS FLARE UPON THE STREETS.
THE SILVER SKIES...
GLIMMER WITH THE SANDS ON THE GROUND.
THE COLDNESS OF THE WIND....
OPPOSES THE HEART THAT BURNS WITH DESIRE.

THE LONELY POEM AWAITS,
AS THE HANDS OF THE WRITER GRIEF.
WITH SADNESS AND DESPAIR,
HE LIFTED HIS PEN AND SEEK FOR THE WORDS.
BIT BY BIT HE SOUGHT.
AND BIT BY BIT HE CRIED.

THE PICTURES OF YESTERDAY,
THAT HE RECOLLECTED,
AND THE ART OF TOMORROW
THAT HE HAD PAINTED,
ALL SEEMED JOYOUS IN A GLANCE.
THE GREEN MEADOWS AND THE SUN,
THE CHANTS OF THE BIRDS THAT FLY,
THAT SERENADES THE BLISS.

BUT AS HE LOOKED ABOVE,
ALL HE IS THE DARKNESS.
THE EMPTY SPACE THAT ALLEVIATES HIS JOYS,
THOSE EMPTY SPACE THAT FILLS HIS HEART.

MORNING WILL COME SOON,
AND THE SUN WILL BREAK SOONER.
HE CLOSED HIS EYES
LAID UPON WITH TEARS.
HE PRAYED FOR THAT DAY
THAT THE SUN WOULD SHINE
AND HE'D BE SMILING ABOVE
THAT LONELY QUIET NIGHT.

2008-04-28T18:27:00.000-07:00

-HAIKU-

THOUGH STORMS CRASHED HEAVENS,

SLOWLY IT WILL RISE AGAIN

UNTIL SPRING BEGINS

2008-04-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

-DREAMING-

I dream of a perfect place
A place where i sit with solace
Watch the sun rises in the morning
and watch the sun sets before the evening
And as the cold wind blows
I'll sleep in lullabyes... gone are my woes

I dream of a perfect place
A place where I breathe with solace
Get amused with trees dancing
Lay down on a bench and stop worrying
And as the sun shines bright at noon
I'll anticipate the blue evening moon.

I dream of a perfect place
A place where all there is, is nothing but solace
Peaceful and quiet, calm and cathartic
Morning will shine and silence is the only music
The sweet taste of evening fog, the playful rays of the sunlight,
would remind me of how tomorrow's going to shine bright.

2008-04-15T08:01:00.000-07:00

Days it has been. -SIGH-

Ilang beses ko man sigurong naisin pang mabago ang lahat hindi na talaga siguro pa aayon sa kagustuhan ko. Ganun talaga siguro. IF ITS NOT MEANT TO BE THEN ITS NOT MEANT TO BE. Sadayang kay hirap lang talagang tanggapin na wala akong magawa sa mga sitwasyong gusto kong baguhin.

Ilang beses kong ginustong tumakas. Masyadong masakit. Masakit na sa akin mas sumasakit pa pag nakikita mong sa kamalian mo ay apektado ang ibang tao lalo na ang mga pinakamamahal mo. Sa isang iglap nabago ang lahat at sa isang iglap malaking "growing up ang nangyari.

Kamakailan lang, isang malupit na pagbaksak din ang dumating sa buhay ko, isang pagkakataong sinisi ko ang kahinaan ko, isang pagkakataong madilim at walang takas. Hindi pa nga ako masyadong gumagaling pero eto na naman ang isa pa. Worse than before. Sa panahong to alam kong may purpose si GOD and my only prayer to HIM is that may HIS purpose be served. May mga times talaga na vague ang purpose niya sa buhay ko and all i do is curl up in my bed and let myself sleep with wet pillows. Pero when the ipiphanous time comes, dun ko narerealize that HE has indeed nigger plans for me more than I have for myself.

Ilang gabi na akong umiiyak. Ilang araw na rin akong nalulungkot. Patong patong lahat. I am so preocuupied with things that deprive me from being happy. I take time to be sad and stressed. Mas okay nang ngayon ganito kaysa naman sa susunod pa na mga araw.

MAY HIS PURPOSE BE SERVED. Its the prayer that i carry on everyday.

-SIGH-

2008-04-12T23:05:00.000-07:00

-DALAWANG SULOK-

PAGOD NA AKO...
HALATA NA SA KINIKILOS KO.

BUGBOG NA AKO SAKABIGUAN,
PERO BAKITA PILIT PA AKONG BUMABAON?

HINDI KO NA ITO KAYA PA.
BIBIGAY NA AKO.

AYOKONG TUMAKAS.
AYOKONG TUMAKBO.

PERO SAANG SULOK BA AKO DAPAT MAGTUNGO?

SA SULOK KUNG SAAN AKO MAKAKAPAGPAHINGA?
O SA SULOK KUNG SAAN AKO MATUTUTO?

2008-04-11T23:30:00.000-07:00

-SIGH-

tatakas, tatakbo
sa isang sulok dun magtatago
dala ang isang marupok na pagkatao

pipiliing manahimik,
ititikom ang bibig
hanggang sumabog ang dibdib

takot, tuwag
dahilang di mapaliwanag,
ng pagkataong di mailadlad

sisilip, sisimoy
sa mundong minsang nagtaboy
sa taong puno ng panaghoy

tatakas, tatakbo,
sa isang sulok dun magtatago
hawak ang isang marupok na pagkatao.

2008-04-11T10:50:00.000-07:00

NOSTALGIC... JUST NOSTALGIC. HAAAAY!

Just few weeks from now, gagaraduate na kami ng mga blockmates ko. Nakakalungkot isipin pero kailangan talagang maghiwa-hiwalay. After four long years, we've come to the end of this race. Tired and worn out we're left with nothing but great responsibilities ahead and the memories that we'll surely keep for the days forward.

Parang kailan lang talaga, nang una akong tumapak sa classroom na iyon, wla akong kilalang mukha, lahat bago, pati amoy bago, umupo ako sa isang sulok, tahimik akong umupo habang pinagmamasdan ang panibagong mundong pinasok ko. May maingay na... swerte nila magkakakilala sila kagad. Natatakot pa ako noon, hindi ako sanay sa mundong di ko kinamulatan. Pero isang tapik lang sa balikat at isang ngiti ang nagsindi ng mitsa ng pagkakaibigang di ko inasahang matatagpuan.

Masaya. Lahat kami masasaya. IIsa ang pahiwatig ng mga tawa. Mga uhaw sa kaligayahan. Hahaha. May tawanang nakakaasar, may tawanang sweet lang, may nakakpikon at meron ding plastik. Pero lahat tunog ng kaligayahan. Lahat makabuluhan.

Kwentuhan. Madalas makita sa iba't ibang sulok ng classroom maging sa corridor hindi pinatawad. Kwentuhang maingay na ilang beses nanag nakabulabog ng klase ng iba. Kwentuhang masinsinan, kwentuhang showbiz, kwentuhang gala, kwentuhang kalibugan, kwentuhang kwento, kwentuhang seryoso, kwentuhang plastik, kwentuhang jowa, kwentuhang laitan. Ilang milyong salita ang naibahagi, ilang laway ang tumalsik. Makabuluhan man o hindi, ang mga kwentuhang iyon ang naging slambook ng bawat isa sa amin apara kilalanin ang bawat isa. Nakita ang bawat pagkatao. Dahil lamang sa apat na taong kwentuhan.

Talento. Di matatawaran ang mga talento. Mula sa panggagaya, isama na ang pangokray. Ang mga art projects na tampulan ng tukso, ang mga musikerong maginoo, ng mga mananayaw at ang mga models. Talentado. Apat na taong nahubog ang mga kakayahan. Apat na taong din naipamalas at nagtagumpay. Ang talentong walang katulad.

Pagkakaibigan. Hinding hindi ko makakalimutan ang salitang to. dito ako nakakilala ng mga taong "strange" talaga. Di ako "aware na nageexist pala sila sa mundong ito. Tunay ngang maliit ang mundo. Nagkita-kita kami. Mga taong nagtitiwala at nagmamahal sa akin. Yan ang 1NTREPIDOS. Kya siguroako nalulungkot dahil alam kong may mawawala sa akin pag gumraduate na kami. Madaling sabihin na walang limutan, pero hindi ko pa rin alam ang mangyayari sa kinabukasan. Nalulungkot ako dahil hindi ko na sila makikitang madalas. Di ko na sila madalas makakakwentuhan at hindi ko na sila madalas mapagmamasadan. Hahanap hanapin ko ang mga boses nila pag tinatawag nila ang pangalan ko, ang pagtapik nila sa balikat ko, ang mga ngiti ng bawat isa, ang mga tawa, ang mga mata at ang samahang itatago ko. Sabi nga ng kaibigan ko, " Sa paglisan ng bawat tao, may mga magbabago sa kanyang naiwan, anumang gawin niy, may magbabago't magbabago parin". Tama siya, may magbabago nga, pero sana hindi magkalimutan.

Ilang tagay man ang nasayang dahil sa mga ayaw magpass sa inuman, ilang chicha man ang nasayang ng mga taong hindi shuma-shot, ilang outing man ang mga di sinamahan ng mga "kj", ilang professor man ang napikon at nagwalkout dahil sa amin lahat naman ng iyon nagdulot ng di malilimutang sandali sa buhay kolehiyo ko. Ibang iba ang karanasang ito, dito ko napatunayang pwede mong maging kapamilya ang taong hindi mo kilala. Nalulungkot ako, sobra. pero kailangan ito.

"The finsih line is just the beggining of the whole new race" narinig ko to sa OPRAH show. Tama ito. Hindi dito nagtatapos ang lahat. May kasunod pa. At sana sa susunod na race namin, magkakasama pa rin kami. Hihintayin ko ang araw na muli naming pagkikita-kita... sa finish line.

2008-03-18T22:16:00.000-07:00

THE DIGNIFYING TRUTH

Recently, an enormous failure came crashing into my life. we lost in the annual AD CLASH, a big event of the advertising department that showcases every creativity of the graduating students. And with all the combined creative efforts of our team somehow we didn't quite get there. The victory was far off-hand that day. And its the most painful thing in the world.

Everyone in the group cried when the champion was announced, and as the leader of this pack i feel the most responsible for our lost. We sat in the crowd of people yelling for the champion. We never felt that insignificant. The most painful pain ever in my years in college. It was worse than failing your midterm or even dropping a subject cause you know you cant make it through. Pain was all we could feel that moment.

We accepted defeat in the most mature way, we stood up and got so proud of the winners, but behind our smiles and applauses are tears already draining down from our hearts. It was the first time in four years of our lives in college that we believed into something and never doubted it yet reality says otherwise. We're not conceited, we believed that our campaign is better and greater. But somehow, things did not fall on the place where we want it to be. We lost, a glorious lost.

After the competition, as we were consoling each other, enormous amount of sympathy poured in. Alumni came to us and congratulated us, for them we are the winners. We should have won. The amount of energy was immeasurable from the people who expected us to win and it became so overwhelming that our vulnerability became our strength. We believe in our campaign so there's no way we're gonna walk with our heads down. No way!

This is the DIGNIFYING TRUTH. We are the real winners. Winners who accepted defeat despite skepticism. We may have not received the honor and the label of being the champion but in our hearts we know we are. We were molded into great warriors by the loving hands of failure and by its hands again we will emerge as greater warriors. Stronger and smarter. We're blessed to have been defeated in the most senseless way, because the painful pinch makes our drive and passion more intense than ever. Our greatness shone upon the innocent minds of people and it made them believed that indeed we are great. I cried when we lost, but most of my tears fall because of the overwhelming feeling of having found the real glory of winning. Before I thought that the essence of winning is beating your toughest competition--- absurd and immature. But the real essence of winning is humbling yourself despite the greatness that you have, accepting defeat despite people telling you that you are the winner and most importantly real winners don't brag they are winners, their light as winners shines so bright that it burns people's eyes. And thats exactly what happened during that day. It was a glorious defeat, a defeat i will never forget and a defeat i will forever be proud. We are way more than the standards set that day and this defeat won't define who we are and what we can do.

Proudly, I say, our greatness shall prevail.

2008-02-21T05:22:00.000-08:00

THOUGH STORMS CRASHED HEAVENS

SLOWLY IT WILL RISE AGAIN,

UNTIL SPRING BEGINS.

happy heart's day!

2008-02-13T17:40:00.001-08:00

WHEN REALITY MEETS FANTASY

2008-02-10T06:31:00.000-08:00

FANTASY: What is your wish? I can give you everything that you wish for.

REALITY: Everything?

FANTASY: Everything.

REALITY: I wish to fall in love like its the first time i've ever fallen in love.

FANTASY: .......

...WASTED...

2008-02-05T07:48:00.000-08:00

WASTED. Three days na akong walang tulog, ang sakit na rin ng mata ko. Gusto kong itigil ang lahat ng ginagawa ko pero hindi ko magawa dahil hindi pwede.

I never thought i could say this but "I NEED A BREAK!"

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS

I had taken my midterm kanina, and i could'nt be any happier. In the last minutes that i was able to browse some notes eh i think majority of the questions nasagot ko naman ng tama. Whhew! Friends showed concerns din. Umiyak daw ako. Hahaha. But the truth is magang maga na ang mata ko dahil wala pa akong tulog. Huhuhuhu! Okay na din si mama, after the operation, we were relieved to actually see her laughing. we had a great laugh kanina sa hospital and she'll be discharged tomorrow. Thank God.

MISSING SOMEONE... :-)

The last time i was with this someone was a bliss thats why some parts of my day were nostalgic when i recall that blissful night. So ironic, masaya pero at the same time malungkot.

HAAAY! NATAPOS KO NA DIN SA WAKAS.

The cover of Pinoy Legands sa wakas tapos ko na. Haay. I enjoy this subject talaga kahit sina-suck niya ang marami kong oras eh rewarding pa rin lalo pa't makita ko ang finished work.

I STILL THANK GOD FOR THIS DAY, TOO MUCH HASSLE BUT GREATER BLESSINGS. HAAAY.

CIAO FOR NOW!

:'-(

2008-02-04T08:41:00.000-08:00

AT THE BUS STATION.... slowly time is killing the remaining moment of the little of heaven that two souls share. Eyes meet and dreams take flight as the shards of temporary goodbyes scatters around the air. Blissfull as it is, where all the innocence of the heart belongs to one another. Resting upon the pillows of happiness and dwelling on the pastures of green lands. The hands that feels like the sunny morning of favourite mondays, the breath that captures the perfection of the morning breeze. How they wish this would not end. How they wish to die in the blissfullness of this paradise.

TIME HAS COME, the walk through the bids of goodbyes has started with much sadness on the watery eyes. Step by step they glanced at the image that they'll be keeping, the face that they'll be searching and the sweet sound of harmonic voices that they'll be missing. The night is getting older as it sympathetically closes it's door to the great fantasy.

FOR THE LAST TIME, they've embraced in the darkness of that night, smelled the skin that warmed them through the journey of finding the land of smiles and laughs. But they must let go, they must forego. So long sweet love, indeed parting is such a sweet sorrow.

im scared

2008-02-02T16:28:00.000-08:00

Its a really gloomy morning today and though i try to be positive as much as i can, i think the morning is just too nostalgic. Clouds are darkened with its grayish blast and the breeze is cold like december mornings.

There are too much responsibilities to take on right now, personal and non-personal. And yeaterday, i almost felt like i was going to break down. But i held still cause there are things to do. Sometimes i hate it when i deprive myself of crying and breaking down. Palagi ko na lang pinagpapaliban, thats why when i get into the point where i really can't hold on, ayan na, di na ko titigil kakaiyak. But of course, there few good things naman kahit ganun na nangyayari, like i get stronger everytime, feel like i can win any battle kapag ganun.

People believe in me, thats why they had entrusted these responsibilities sa akin. And i dont want to disappoint them. I'll prove to them that i can really do this with excellence and pride. Self-destruct button is always around and any minute that i feel like pressing it i would. But for now, dapat akong maging matatag, di ako dapat bumigay specially now that everyone seems to be dweeling on my capabilities. I only pray to come out of this victoroius.

haay

2008-02-01T08:52:00.001-08:00

Just came from the hospital AWW! I visited my mom, she'll be undergoing an operation on tuesday. When i got home i received a text from someone in the past. And boy oh boy! He got into my nerves. Grrr! All in all its a pretty sensible day. By the way this is my first entry here i just thought of moving from blogdrive. I'm quite sad though that i'll be leaving blogdrive.

Ciao!